Ramblings of A Random Mind

I’m a little bit groggy after the whole 36 hour day organizing the dinner, but it was so worth it after the climax of yesterday’s event.

I think people were happy about the event, impressed with the venue and the food was pretty good, and it was so good to be able to catch up with other people! I have to admit I always look forward to Petronas events to be able to see the people I haven’t seen for ages and may not have the chance to see otherwise.

The highlight of the night was the photo we old KDU-ians took. Incredibly significant to me, because that was the first time that we acknowledged the old bonds of friendship as a whole group for a long, long time. It’s been ages since the eight of us got together, and the fact that we took that photo may have seemed trivial to someone else, but with our history, it was definitely a moment I will remember, for it reminded me of times we lived together in the same house, and the afventures we went through in KDU.

Fantastic night, and Epicure and the Melbourne Town Hall lived up to our expectations. The spiced duck was amazing, and I loved the chocolate pudding. To die for.

Congratulations to the team.

Natasha Abdullah and Aida Mohd Zabidi are proud to announce the launch of  the Poison’d Apples store . It features original art by Tash and Aida… See our unique designs on t-shirts, bags, buttons and more. Not only would it be so totally cool to own our original designs, but they make unique gifts and are also oh-so-affordable.
 

Also, sign up for our FREE store newsletter and get store updates, product info, and specials delivered to your inbox at www.myspace.com/poisonedappleslabel

We appreciate your support and would love to hear your feedback, so have a squizz,  visit us today! Cheers!

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Two more days, damnit.

Two more, two more days.
Then one more.
Then glorious freedom.

Two days goes by much too slowly. My mind may well be destroyed and drained of all life before that day arrives.

Do you ever wonder if the best
times of your life have passed you by?

I had one of the best years in my
life in 2005. At the time, Iyra, Azreen and I were living together in a house,
and the two of them, knowing that it was their final year in Melbourne,wanted to make the most of what
they could. And made the most of their stay they did.

We did so much it makes my head
spin when I think of it, especially in those final few days before our
departure.

It is true we wanted to make that
year special, and we did… And then they left, and I returned. And
unsurprisingly, returning, things have been very different without them. It is
almost like we poured so much energy into shaping that year to be incredibly
fantastic and fun that we can no longer achieve the same heights today.Or perhaps it is the company.

I can’t deny missing them. I was
aware from the year before that I would miss their presence acutely, with their
larger than life personalities and constant presence. We became incredibly
close over the span of those months, and sometimes I wonder if we will ever get
the opportunity to experience that again.Laughing together and gossiping
late into the night. Doing things that only girlfriends do. Those hours of
getting ready and being girly before going out before an event. How I would
wait, sometimes more than a little impatiently while they put the finishing
touches on to their outfit. Getting each other psyched up as a particular
favourite song came on in the club and how we would rush to the dancefloor.Azreen’s constant lighthearted
chatter, and her excitability. Iyra’s random jokes at the most unexpected of
times. And the girl bonding. It was fun. More than fun. They were like sisters.We fed off each other’s
enthusiasm, each other’s spirit for life.I know I’m not the only one that
feels it.Sometimes people come and go from
your lives, and make themselves into such an important, integral part of your
life that once they go they leave that large, gaping hole that you can’t help
noticing. It is not that I no longer have any fun, it’s just different.

At times I sit and wonder
wistfully what they are doing, and how they are coping leaving behind the year
we did. And sometimes I cannot help but with they were here with me so I can
scream excitedly everytime our song comes on, or make stupid jokes, or just
talk. And sometimes I just miss the small things like going shopping at Safeway
together. And sometimes I miss them so much I don’t know what to do with
myself, ind I wonder if anyone should have to lose two of their closest friends
at the same time.

I still have many, many
experiences in my life, and I hope that many of them will include these two
special girls.

Here’s to you guys. I miss you.

The course of love is rarely
smooth. It twists and winds and at times may seem like the most difficult
experience one will undergo.

 
There are those moments that
plunge you in the pits of despair. Those painful moments where the green eyed
monster rears its head and plunges it’s poison into your veins, and the poison
withers that love.

 
The tears I could not hold back,
and they flowed freely down my face. The painful hurt, and I wondered if that
insecurity would hold us back. If it would be there in the future, constantly,
like some hideous ghost of the past, haunting me at the most unexpected of
moments.

 
I held him and whispered, “I love
you for who you are. For all of you. You don’t have to be a national squash
player, or have bulging muscles, or compare yourself to others. There are
others in my past, but they are merely the past, and you are my future. I
believe we were brought together for a reason.”

 
I had been never more certain of
the words I spoke. Knowing that no one else had ever made me feel the same way
he does.

 
Is this love? Those moments where
doubt and insecurity creep into a relationship, and both parties strive to
overcome them? Knowing that by loving, you open yourself up so much, that you
are so incredibly vulnerable, that you are all the more likely to be hurt?

 
Here is my heart. Take care of it,
for it is precious.

 
Yet, for the most part, there are
those beautiful moments. Dazzling moments captured forever in your memories,
crystal clear despite the passing of time.

 
We laughed with each other in the
peace of twilight, as playful as two young children, and yet in our childish
amusement, the undercurrent of seriousness pervaded. As our discussion lead to
more serious matters, happiness blossomed in my heart of hearts, knowing he
felt the way I did.

 
“Are we really doing this?” I
question softly, My head reels from the implication, but I feel no fear,
despite the decisions we make, knowing that it will change my life in ways I
have never experienced before.

 
He holds me close and I feel his
heartbeat echo mine, two souls intertwined by the decision we had made, and I
prayed for strength and hope for the challenges we would encounter, for I knew
I was prepared to stand by him for as long as he needed me, and that realization
by itself was a powerful one.

 
Is this love? The liquid strength
that flows through your veins? The overwhelming happiness and mutual trust
between two? Knowing that by loving, you may never be able to turn back into who
you were before?

 
Here is my trust. Take care of
it, for it is precious.

 
I love, and everytime I do, it
changes me. And I learn from each experience, for it is true what Shakespeare
said, “It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all,”
for despite each tear, and each heartache, I would not trade those moments in
my memories for anything.
 

Here is my love. Take care of it,
for it is precious.

Green-fucking-Day was awesome!

It
was an amazing lineup. My Chemical Romance, Jimmy Eat World and Green Day.
Almost like seeing three concerts for the price of one. We bought tickets two
months before the actual concert, and it was two months of anticipation before
the day finally arrived.

The
crowd had lined up since 9 in the morning, despite the concert starting at 6.
By the time we rocked up in the afternoon, the line was in the hundreds, to my
amazement. Or perhaps, I shouldn’t have been that surprised. It was Green Day,
after all.

My Chemical Romance and Jimmy Eat World played well, but
it was Green Day that the crowd was waiting for, and it was Green Day that the
crowd roared for in anticipation. They played to a crowd nearing the tens of
thousands. I was near the front of general admission, and the crowd stretched
beyond my sight.

Mosh
pits are always horrible, and I’ve been in my share. Battered, bruised and
pressured from all sides, barely able to move against the crowd of sweaty
bodies, especially when the moshing started. There’s nothing like a mosh pit to
make you appreciate personal space.

Then
Green Day came onstage and it was worth every second. They are true
entertainers. Not just musicians. Musicians are for CDs and the radio. They had
the crowd eating out of their hand, screaming their name; oh how they played
that crowd so well, and we loved every second of it.

Some
bands are different live. Green Day is not one of them. They sounded so
incredibly identical to their records; I could almost swear they were miming. Billy
Joel’s vocals are amazing, and their showmanship was unbeatable. True rock and
roll, all the way.

They
were crowd pleasers. They were political. They teased and they coaxed
the crowd into feeling like they truly appreciated us being there and
they interacted and they played like there was no tomorrow.

Words
fail to describe how fucking awesome they were.

Saya nak bermanja.

Boleh?

Saya sayang awak banyak banyak sangat.

Emily and I walked out of the movie theatre after Pride and Prejudice, starry-eyed with the warm buzz of romance from the movie.

“That was wonderfully romantic,”  I ventured, my mind filled with the vibrant images and scenes of the two leading characters as they challenged and denied their feelings towards each other before they finally admitted to them.

“Oh, I want a Mr. Darcy!” cried Emily. “There’s no romance in this world left,:” she sighed wistfully, and couldn’t help but question her statement.

There is something about the past that makes love seem romantic, instead of the sexually charged issue it seems to be today.

I wonder if it is something about the generation we were born in today, where relationships are no longer defined by the social norms of the Victorian Era. Marriage is no longer the institution it once was, as evidenced by the skyrocketing divorce rates. The revolution of equality and independence seems to have brought attraction and lust to the forefront of relationships, instead of courtship.

Perhaps it is the lack of mystery that surrounds the society; a society no longer bound by the formalities of the past, where the mere action of a woman and man sitting together alone in a room would be enough to start a scandal. In a society which values equality, where men and women mingle freely on equal footing. Perhaps it is the casualness that takes away the mystery that once was associated with the chase.

Or just perhaps, it is the technology of the world we live in, where everything is instantaneous and immediate, where people are constantly rushing to squeeze everything they can into their days as the days get shorter and shorters. The art of letter writing is slowly getting lost as we text, and e-mail and call, where messages are received seconds after they are sent. Love letters are a memory of the past, the word conjuring up musty, delicate white paper written in delicate, flowery script and reciprocated with a bold hand.

The slow rituals of courting seem to have been slowly eroded away, deemed as cliches of the past, commercialized to the extent where the meaning is lost. The simple gestures of courting with flowers, the single red rose and love letters are all things associated with romance, but no longer seem to play a part today.

I believe that there still is romance in the world, where young lovers walk under the moon and stars. Perhaps the knight in shining armour has changed his armour. Perhaps the rituals of courtship have become less significant, or perhaps there are new rituals that are replacing the old. I cannot tell.

In the meantime, leave me to my thoughts.

Take that first puff.

Come on. You know you want to.

Inhale.

Feel the smoke fill your nostrils, the oh-so familiar scent that smells oh-so good, and you close your eyes and savour and let the calmness rush over you as you continue breathing in the smoke. Feeling the rush to your head that justifies even picking up that little rolled up piece of paper.

To satiate that need, that craving that lies within you.

And the chemicals work their magic inside your body. Working their way down to your lungs, cells inside your lungs dying and desperately trying to fight those nasty little chemicals attacking them, expelling and oozing yellow pus that fills your alveoli and clogs up your previous lungs, and for a moment, you felt like you couldn’t take a breath, and the hacking cough racks your body.

And perhaps one day, those cells can no longer take the abuse and slowly change into those slow, cancerous cells that engulf your organs and betray your own body responses, and as you throw up from the radiotherapy and chemotherapy, you wonder what you did to deserve this hell.

And the chemicals activate those sympathetic nerves in your body, and they fire at will, affecting your body systems, but masked subtly by the alertness and wonderful sensations you feel inside you head. And in the meantime, they fire away, making those blood vessels contract, causing the pressure inside to increase slowly, day by day.

And perhaps one of those days, a blood vessel might finally break and the blood will leak out like a damn, flooding your brain as the stroke paralyses your reactions as you gasp your dying breaths. Or perhaps, a clot will break off suddenly from the buildup of cholestrol you slowly accumulate in your arteries, and lodge in your heart and you moan as the dull, crushing pain of a heart attack hits you.

And all this while, you continue smoking in your blissful ignorance, or perhaps, blissful avoidance, while your body dies a little with every breath.

Go on. Keep on smoking.

I dare you.